Friday, September 19, 2003

 
I'm finally done working. Turned in my badge, brought home a huge stack of papers, & copied my lab notebook. I'm feeling a little less excited than I expected though. I think it has a lot to do with my (fearful) anticipation of school starting. Now that I don't have a job anymore, the fact that I don't have a plan at all is just blinding. I just don't want to go back and find that I can't keep my nose to the grindstone, that I'm going to get some more B-'s and lose my scholarships, and having to keep up the pretense that "being friends" with someone means waving and saying hi and how are you doing? every time you pass them. Like they really care. Frankly, sometimes I don't think I care. I hate taking a test and finding out that I can do 3/4 of the problems and get a C on the test. How can you know everything when they don't teach you everything? I hate school and it hasn't even started yet. And all the poems I've blogged suck. I can't write worth beans. This probably sounds like some weak attempt at getting compliments, but no. I'm very calmly facing the fact that I suck as a writer right now. That I suck at being a hard working diligent student. That I suck at creating a meaningful relationship with the majority of people I meet.

Definiting of 'suck' => This version of 'suck' as used in this blog can only be described in a story:
Say you've had a rotten day, but the whole time you were under control because you were looking forward to the end of the day. Because at the end of the day, you were going to go shopping. You had a lot of money and no guilty Asian conscience about blowing money on things you don't need. You get calmed down while walking around, looking at expensive, but buyable items. You end up buying a pair of pants that make you look amazing, that will go with pratically everything in your closet, that feels great and is actually somewhat of a bargain. So you wear your pants out of the store and while you're walking to your car somehow a hole appears in the ground and you trip, scrape your palms and tear a hole in the knee of your new pants. This version of suck is the feeling you have after you sit up, after the shock wears off, when you realize that your palms are all dirty and bleeding and your pants are getting bloody too because your knee is also bleeding and somehow, you still have to drive home. It's a low, deep expletive followed by a feeling of despair and anger at not having control over something that was uncontrolable.

Unknown @ 10:31:00 PM

 
Oh yeah baby! I just joined Friendster.com a few days ago and have managed to scrape together four friends to be linked to me and through them I'm linked to like 26,383 people!!! HAHAHA, it's so great, it's almost like making money, the more people I'm linked to, the more rich I feel. Not that I know any of these 26,000+ people, but yeah, it's kind of fun. Of course, it only works if my friends actually sign on. So YOU, make an account!!

Unknown @ 11:40:00 PM

 
Okay, so pictures from the Mid-Autumn Festival Saturday night are up. It was a great weekend, and I would hope so because I got to hang out with two of my favorite people, Dan and Rachel! Sadly, it’s probably going to be the last time I see Dan until Thanksgiving break. Oh well…at least then I’ll get presents!

When we were all sitting around Sunday night after eating pho I was just sitting back at one point and I was just like, wow, it’s so incredible how we’ve grown up and we’re talking about banking, stocks, politics, world news, college, having kids…how did we get here so soon?

Josh's website/blog thing is pretty cool, I didn't know that he started out in InterVarsity (IV) and then decided to switch to CRU (Campus Crusade). They are certainly different ministries which focus on different things, and both are important and dear to my heart. Deep fellowship within the group and evangalism. I really enjoy the Christian fellowship that I have at UW; Jubilee and IV really click well with me.

Unknown @ 10:38:00 PM