Saturday, February 14, 2004

 
Super sorry to all those whom I've offended, pissed off, annoyed, etc. in the last week. No, I do not feel like explaining. I feel like I'm going off my rocker currently, just a hair. I feel like I should be making two laps around the fountain again, like I did after Fight Club to use up extra energy that could have been used in beating someone up or creating mayhem.

I've just been really struggling with some issues, some hurts, some stupidity and being able to deal with it before God. I've been really trying to deal with it, working on the latter issue, and it seems like each time I'm cool for a while, but for some reason I'm just super aggressive and wanting to beat the **** out of someone, something, anywhere. I don't know what to do. I really want to smash the daylights out of some ping-pong balls right now, but I don't know if I can do that on my own. Too bad I don't have a second paddle, nor do I know of anyone who does. Maybe I will go and try it anyway.

Unknown @ 12:14:00 AM

 
Mt. Rainer nor the view from my window look quite as good on the camera. That's why I hope someday we'll be able to have the technology to have like a little camera/recording device implanted in our eye(s) and then whenever we see something cool, all we have to do is think, "Take Picture" and we'll be able to have that exact image stored and we can make posters of it or whatever. But I guess it would be kind of scary at the same time, because power like that can be abused greatly.

On a completely unrelated note...I really need to get rid of my poor dead grass. I pretty much gave up on it about a month ago and it's just been sitting there. I want to start trying to grow chives though. That'd be super cute don't you think?

Unknown @ 5:18:00 PM

 
It is an absolutely gorgeous day. I am getting the whole warm sunny, summer smells and it's really great, but at the same time it makes me miss Dan so much. I am really wishing I could take a nap, but there's so much deadline type stuff. That stupid CS paper took way too much time. So I have to remember to call home tomorrow and wish my mom a happy birthday :). I really can't even blog anymore, all I can think about are the things I need to accomplish. I'm definitely going to be working out at PNNL again this summer, it's all set. I enjoy working there really though because there's so much downtime. I'll be able to get a bunch of books read. I can't force myself to write anymore...still need to get that abstract done, it's about 1/3 done so far.

boring post I know, here's a picture:

Unknown @ 2:41:00 PM

 
Phew.

I'm finished with my Jewish midterm paper. Thank God for different sizes of fonts. I feel like I can't write a decent paper of any significance that is longer than like 3-4 pages. It's approx. 3 1/2 pages, Verdana font, DS. And NONE of it is BS. I do not write BS filler sentences. It was horrible a few hours ago though, I was just getting close to having 3 pages in Times New Roman font and it was just all random and non-coherent! You'll have to trust me on this, but the main ideas were just all over the place, there was a lot of hating and loving and praying at the wrong times. So yeah, the essay underwent major construction. Spliced paragraphs up, threw out the introns, moved stuff from the bottom to the top, it was crazy. It's extremely freaky but at the same time exhilarating. I think I've done it to only about 3 or so essays in my lifetime. You get to a point where the end is tantlizingly close, and you read over it and think about where to go from there and realize, I can't work with this. This is complete crap. This isn't just a dead end, it's a U-turn into oncoming traffic. *momentary feeling of despair* The good thing is that the answer usually isn't hard to think up. It's pretty obvious when you screw up but have just been deluding yourself the whole time that you didn't really. Your brain is thinking of the right thing to do the whole time. :)

Unknown @ 1:27:00 AM

 
SpicyNoSalad: but dANNNG, she knew my name?!
SpicyNoSalad: oh snap
SpicyNoSalad: haha that's a start
SpicyNoSalad: i'm infiltrating m**y's crew
SpicyNoSalad: she went out wit her ta though?
SpicyNoSalad: gawd
finite being 2: M**y did
SpicyNoSalad: gawd, aite, time to start TAing

Unknown @ 4:05:00 PM

 
Hahaha, so I'm mostly blogging this for Jon's sake, but yeah... here goes :D

So I go to the CSE Atrium to meet with my TA to go over some parts of the midterm that I didn't do so well on and afterwards, I get up to go and at the next table is Kira and two of her Asian friends. So she introduces me to them and I'm like that's nice and then I tell her about how I'm taking CSE 142 and then I'm like oh yeah, I heard you know Jon. And she's like Jon... and one of her friends, the one sitting down who's name I forgot, she was like you know, from philosophy. And she's like oh yeah, I have Logic with him. And then they were like yeah, we're here to meet with a TA and I was like yeah, I was just meeting with my TA and I mentioned Diane's obsession last year with her green fleeted TA and the Asian girl standing up kind of laughs and looks embarrassed and Kira says something like yeah, she went out with one of her TA's. And then for some reason, something clicked and I was like...whoa, wait a second...and I said, "Hey, what's your last name?" and she's like "Dang" and I'm like oh, and Kira's like, she's heard about you! And I don't really know what that means ;) but they all kind of laughed. So yeah! I met her. And I don't think I said anything too embarrassing :).

Unknown @ 3:00:00 PM

 
Yes, so I've pretty much spent the most of this entire day painfully pulling out words and stringing them into coherent sentences and I have about a page and a half done. That would mean about five hours of actual good 'writing'. Now 'writing' does not entirely have anything to do with actual typing and making sentences. There is a LOT that goes into 'writing'. For instance, sitting and staring at either the essay prompt, some notes that I brainstormed yesterday, or the screen trying to piece together something to type down. Or website hopping to find english to hebrew translations and basic research stuff. I'd say 70% of the time is spent at the staring stage. You would not believe how many thought threads are all tangled up and a lot of time is spent trying to find and pull out String #15 in this big mess of Strings. After awhile, you don't want to be around me when I'm trying to cram out words. When something clicks and the text that I'm working with IS ACTUALLY talking about the Babylonian conquest and I don't have to draw from something in Isaiah or Jeremiah, it's freaking exciting and I yell and pound the table and sometimes get up and pace back and forth for a little bit. It's a thin line between gladness that I have something to write now, and the feeling that I want to strangle someone. And that, ladies and gents, is how I write. Sporatically, with lots of sudden movements, muttering, and loud bursts. Good thing Diane's not here. And sometimes the tension is just a little bit too much for me and I end up going into the lounge and laughing my head off at nothing. And I honestly do enjoy writing. It's an art.

Unknown @ 12:48:00 AM