Friday, March 26, 2004

 
I'm nearly done organizing...I guess. Organized my drawers, still have the top of my desk to do and the table, and the bookshelf. I have an incredible urge right now to read "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers and nearly bought it off of Amazon and then thought, well, I suppose the library probably has it and since the library like like five minutes away...

I hate to just drop cleaning in the middle of the process to run to the library and grab a book. And I'm not even entirely certain that Odie is open. *sigh* However, I just looked on my bookshelf and I have at least twelve books that I have either started or have not touched yet...:) One of them a 613 pg sci-fi book that I got at the NASA Space Grant Christmas Party.

I bought my books though, I had to kind of wing it since it says on myuw that only one of my profs have entered in what books I need but I know I need some books for my Comp. Lit class and TC. I'd better not need a book for Dance 101...I'm not going to go back for it. Cleaning and organizing is such a love-hate relationship. Everything is so beautiful afterwards and it's kind of interesting seeing the process of methodically moving from one piece to another piece and leaving behind spots or a trail of order and clean. But so much energy goes into reversing entropy. Sometimes I think the whole entropy theory denotes a definite serious character flaw in the universe.

Unknown @ 4:20:00 PM

 
Hey yo! I got my schedule made up! My UW Spring 2004 Schedule. For those of you that I stalk, look for an e-mail in a week or so asking for your Spring Quarter schedule so I can update my stalker wall :).

Unknown @ 6:40:00 PM

 
Yeah okay, I know this is really sad, but I'm finally back at the UW, rode up this morning with Jessica and the first thing I do when I'm here is 1. open the window, 2. turn on the computer 3. Check the e-mail 4. Blog

I think #5 will be to go to the bathroom and then start the unpacking/organizing process. It was raining when we were on the Pass and it's still drizzling here, typical Seattle weather but like Christine said, moist is good. Ahhhh....I have missed my music sorely and my beautiful nice good computer and UW in general :). I think I'll have to make a run to the Quad sometime and check to see if there's any cherry blossoms left. I'll keep you updated. I think I'd be more ecstatic right now if I wasn't so freaking exhausted. It seems like whenever I'm here in my room by myself for an extended period of time, I go into a cleaning frenzy. It's probably a really good way to start off the quarter though, everything in order, organized, new :). Need to get those books sometime tomorrow. I have exactly two days to myself before everyone else starts coming back and raising all hell ;). Hmmmm, what to do? Sleep sounds good :). I'm so glad my little bamboo plant didn't up and die over break. Lucky thing I came back in exactly a week, it's doing okay. This is a good time, a time where I'm still loving college because it's college and not because I have a bunch of stupid assignments and tests and stupid things called public education. :D Wow, I have this huge chunk of bookshelf space now that I don't have a picture there. Symbolic of a lot of things, I have to rearrange some stuff so I can efficiently use that newly opened up space and to the greatest aesthetic appeal.

Unknown @ 3:06:00 PM

 
ohmigosh I am soooo bored. Have finished another book, the Prodigal Daughter and it was pretty good, about the entire life of this polish girl and how she got to be president. Anyway, I have since resorted to dipping my toe in the news that I have been so sorely behind on. Seriously, one mention from someone about something is enough to make you knowledgeable about the subject. Like I heard recently about the whole Taiwan prez/vice prez shooting and the riots over it and I read an article or two about it and it didn't really increase my 'knowledge' about the whole ordeal except to add a few more details. I knew that the President got grazed by a bullet by his stomach and that the Vice prez was shot as well. The new information is that the vice prez got it in the knee, the stomach wound is 11 cm and they released pictures proving it since apparently a lot of people think it was staged for publicity. Politics are messed up. No guns, no suspects. You'd think their CIA-equivalent would be better than that. What else is there to know? Luckily I have enough friends and people who check the news every day or so to be reasonably up to date on stuff, enough to casually mention it and shake my head at it anyway.



In other news, this is still turning out to be the worst break I have ever spent at home, I think I realized why I managed to survive the other ones, I had Dan around to spend every free moment with and now that that's a thing of the past, there's nothing for me to do but whittle my time away at home, constantly under the hawk-like eyes of my mom. No I don't care at all about the lectures and whatnot, because I have my mantra...three more days....three more days... lol!

Unknown @ 7:44:00 PM

 
I finally got semi-caught up in Aimee's blog...haven't read it for a while sorry Aimee :)! I think she and I complain the most on our blog about not actually being able to blog. What is this sick fascination we have about wanting to share everything, but not being able to? I don't want to expose myself to strangers, people who read this blog as a lark. That's not fair to me or to them. Why should everyone have to deal with my messed-upness and feel sympathetic for my failings? Yet that urge is still there. I want to download it off my brain when I have turmoil and just have it out and be able to walk away from it. Blogging is a time where you can sit still and think, and all of the dark bits and particles in your life settle down to the bottom and you have the opportunity to reach down there and spoon it out...but you have to have somewhere to put it. And I think some of it all, people will just not understand. Ivory soap smells really different than Olay or Dove. Didn't understand that did you? Didn't think so.

Unknown @ 1:25:00 PM

 
For once, this is to be a personal post.

I do not regret at all the decisions that I have made these last few weeks. I blew up tonight at dinner at Wendy's with the entire TC group there (minus Brent), and spent a good portion of the night having a fairly decent give and take converstation with my mom. I still don't know what to think. I'm still determined to explore this new life to the max when I get back to college. But I will certainly be more careful the next time I say the three words. I'm not saying that I'm looking to whore myself out, but I will certainly be sharpening my skillz. Pity the fool who is my next victim. It's just six or seven minutes past midnight as I type this and think about all this...a new day. I say, bring it on. I'm not afraid of the future, of being single, and not even of love. At this moment anyway ;). I just know that I'm 20, well-loved by many, and I'm going to make my mistakes and hopefully learn from some of them. I want to be comfortable in being Feiya, and not the Feiya-that-I-think-you-think-I-am. Thank you so much to all of you who are praying for me, I am humbled by your concern.

Unknown @ 12:22:00 AM

 
Ahhh, so my earlier post about Dan and I was not entirely accurate and I apologize to anyone who might have gotten the wrong impression, here is an e-mail that he sent me on the matter. Please read his comment on the post as well.

Feiya,

Hey, I just wanted to point a couple of things out about the post that you made! It bothered me a little bit.

“We both kind of just feel like we're not ready, didn't really think it through and we want to grow up some more. I feel like I'm not ready to be chained down just yet. So I'm supposed to try the whole dating thing. I'll see how that goes.”

I don’t like how you represented me to everyone. The reason why is that I feel that I am ready to make a marriage commitment. What I was trying to tell you when we broke up is that I sensed that you were not ready, so I no longer wanted to pursue a relationship with you. The reason why I would have broken up with you even if you persisted is that I knew that you weren’t ready, so I wasn’t going to allow it.

We also discussed nothing about the dating thing, and you make it sound like we did. It needs no discussion, of course, but I certainly did not give you my blessing on the matter.

I’ll be honest with you. The only reasons why I had any reservations about our relationship had nothing to do with me. You make it sound like I’m not ready to get married or for a deep commitment, but I am! I perhaps did not make that clear enough to you; however, you have always known my feelings about marriage, so I am somewhat shocked about your assuming that I meant that I’m not ready. Could you please change your post? I would appreciate it.

I posted a comment on your blog, in case you don’t get this email soon. This is very important to me; we both owe it to everyone to paint a clear and fair picture of what happened and what we both felt, because they have invested much in our relationship. Telling everyone that I felt I wasn’t ready and that I need to grow more is not telling the truth!

~Daniel Rieck

Unknown @ 8:21:00 PM